"Of course, as a professional journalist, I would never resort to psychological trickery (Gary! Marry Suzanne!). But I do think we need to explore the commitment problem, which has caused many women to mistakenly conclude that men, as a group, have the emotional maturity of hamsters. This is not the case. A hamster is much more capable of making a lasting commitment to a woman, especially if she gives it those little food pellets. Whereas a guy, in a relationship, will consume the pellets of companionship, and he will run on the exercise wheel of lust; but as soon as he senses that the door of commitment is about to close and trap him in the wire cage of true intimacy, he'll squirm out, scamper across the kitchen floor of uncertainty and hide under the refrigerator of Non-Readiness."
Tuesday, March 8, 2005
Berry on relationships
I have not seen or heard anyone who has a stronger grasp on relationships than Dave Berry:
Monday, March 7, 2005
Some cure
I doubt England will regret passing comprehensive gun bans, but they should:
God bless those jolly ol' chaps.
"In a pattern that's repeated itself in Canada and Australia, violent crime has continued to go up in Great Britain despite a complete ban on handguns, most rifles and many shotguns. The broad ban that went into effect in 1997 was trumpeted by the British government as a cure for violent crime. The cure has proven to be much worse than the disease."
God bless those jolly ol' chaps.
Political insanity
Welcome to Muffinville, where morons are kings and the national pastime is sophistry:
In other words, sane people know that personal accounts are a horrible plan. Only Republican hacks support the President's crazy plans. Keep up the good work, Ms. Pelosi.
"Also on Sunday, House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi said on Fox that because of Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan's support of personal accounts, some people 'have seriously questioned the independence of the Fed.' She declined to say whether she would describe Greenspan as a 'political hack,' as Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid did last week."
In other words, sane people know that personal accounts are a horrible plan. Only Republican hacks support the President's crazy plans. Keep up the good work, Ms. Pelosi.
Apathy
Martha Stewart
Michael Jackson
Robert Blake
Scott Peterson
Donald Trump
Ashlee Simpson
Jessica Simpson
Barry Bonds
Brad Pitt
Jennifer Anniston
What do these people have in common? I do not care what these people do. I do not care to know what these people are involved in. I do not want to hear their names. I do not want to hear the most current updates on these people. This is the only time I plan on mentioning these people. I could add others to the list, but I feel the list is sufficient.
What these people do is insignificant. Why should we pay attention to these people and what they do, and meanwhile ignore the many people that are doing worthwhile tasks? Why do we have to have news broadcasts and television shows dedicated to these average human beings? Why do we have to report the munutiae of these people's existence? What possible good could knowing these people's eating habits do for America? What are we going to remember of these people in 50 years? in 20 years? in 10 years? in 1 year? These people are not captivating. They are not interesting. They are not special in any historical context. They are people, no better or worse than any other person. Leave them be, and let us live our lives without incessantly hearing what type of shoes some person just purchased.
Michael Jackson
Robert Blake
Scott Peterson
Donald Trump
Ashlee Simpson
Jessica Simpson
Barry Bonds
Brad Pitt
Jennifer Anniston
What do these people have in common? I do not care what these people do. I do not care to know what these people are involved in. I do not want to hear their names. I do not want to hear the most current updates on these people. This is the only time I plan on mentioning these people. I could add others to the list, but I feel the list is sufficient.
What these people do is insignificant. Why should we pay attention to these people and what they do, and meanwhile ignore the many people that are doing worthwhile tasks? Why do we have to have news broadcasts and television shows dedicated to these average human beings? Why do we have to report the munutiae of these people's existence? What possible good could knowing these people's eating habits do for America? What are we going to remember of these people in 50 years? in 20 years? in 10 years? in 1 year? These people are not captivating. They are not interesting. They are not special in any historical context. They are people, no better or worse than any other person. Leave them be, and let us live our lives without incessantly hearing what type of shoes some person just purchased.
The Eclectic Reader, 3.07.2005--College Basketball
Illinois--
Illinois was beaten for the very first time this season. Ohio State beat them by one point in the last regular season game. Illinois is a very good team. They are one of the best in the country, if not the best. Their RPI rank is number 2, with a Strength of Schedule rank of 80. They have had some huge wins this season, 29 of them in fact. They beat Wisconsin twice, in one of them ending Wisconsin's 38 game home win streak. They have defeated Michigan State twice. They defeated both Wake Forest and Gonzaga, two top ten teams. I don't think the national polls mean much, but if they are to mean anything, then the Illini should remain number 1. I think they deserve to remain at the top spot. Ohio State is a good team. They are 19-11 overall, and 8-8 in conference. They RPI rank is 55 with a Strength of Schedule rank of 60. I had thought that if Illinois was to be beaten, it would be by a good team, but not a strong, nationally recognized team. Illinois deserves to be number 1 in both polls, and they deserve to be number 1 overall in the tournament.
Duke and UNC--
What a game last night! Unquestionably the greatest rivalry in any sport. UNC defeated Duke 75-73. I am somewhat upset that Duke lost. I always want to see them win. They did much better than I thought they would do, so that makes me happy. At least they lost at Chapel Hill. Sean May had a monster game, 26 points and 24 rebounds. Redick scored 17 points, and yet he didn't score the last 25 minutes of the game. He did have 6 assists. Sheldon Williams was great with 22 points and 6 blocks. The ACC tournament begins this Thursday, and should be a thriller. I hope Duke does well. I would love to see them win, though it will be difficult for them. I want to see them receive a high seed in the NCAA tourney. I am hoping for at least a 3 seed, which they should get. They have a RPI of 3 with a Strength of Schedule of 11. Those are pretty good numbers. They might even receive a 1 seed if they win the ACC tourney.
BTW: Does anyone know the last time Duke was not ranked in the top ten in the national polls?
John Cheney--
What has happened with John Cheney is a shame. What he did was a shame. I imagine he knows what he did was wrong, and I imagine he feels truly sorry for it. There is no excuse for his actions. A coach has the duty to keep his players and the other team's players safe. I know it is very difficult for a coach to deal with a game that is loosely or tightly officiated. It is very frustrating, and it is easy to retaliate. Coaches should never do this, and they ought to be held accountable when they do. The question is, how much should they be punished? John Cheney is an excellent coach. By the end of the 2003-2004 season, he was number 20 on the all-time win list with 708. He had a win percentage of .714. He has done as much for basketball as any other coach in recent years. He has done so much for his players. He is a mentor and a inspiration. I believe he is a great man. He has made many mistakes. Should those mistakes erase years of quality, honorable leadership? I don't think so. I am a big fan of Bobby Knight. He too has made many mistakes. He should never have done many of the things he did. He too is a mentor and an inspiration. You would be hard pressed to find a player that has been under these coaches that do not admire and respect these men. Most players are better men because of the "life-coaching" of Cheney and Knight. They are not perfect, and we should never gloss over these blemishes. We should look at their lifetime of achievement, and understand all men make mistakes.
Illinois was beaten for the very first time this season. Ohio State beat them by one point in the last regular season game. Illinois is a very good team. They are one of the best in the country, if not the best. Their RPI rank is number 2, with a Strength of Schedule rank of 80. They have had some huge wins this season, 29 of them in fact. They beat Wisconsin twice, in one of them ending Wisconsin's 38 game home win streak. They have defeated Michigan State twice. They defeated both Wake Forest and Gonzaga, two top ten teams. I don't think the national polls mean much, but if they are to mean anything, then the Illini should remain number 1. I think they deserve to remain at the top spot. Ohio State is a good team. They are 19-11 overall, and 8-8 in conference. They RPI rank is 55 with a Strength of Schedule rank of 60. I had thought that if Illinois was to be beaten, it would be by a good team, but not a strong, nationally recognized team. Illinois deserves to be number 1 in both polls, and they deserve to be number 1 overall in the tournament.
Duke and UNC--
What a game last night! Unquestionably the greatest rivalry in any sport. UNC defeated Duke 75-73. I am somewhat upset that Duke lost. I always want to see them win. They did much better than I thought they would do, so that makes me happy. At least they lost at Chapel Hill. Sean May had a monster game, 26 points and 24 rebounds. Redick scored 17 points, and yet he didn't score the last 25 minutes of the game. He did have 6 assists. Sheldon Williams was great with 22 points and 6 blocks. The ACC tournament begins this Thursday, and should be a thriller. I hope Duke does well. I would love to see them win, though it will be difficult for them. I want to see them receive a high seed in the NCAA tourney. I am hoping for at least a 3 seed, which they should get. They have a RPI of 3 with a Strength of Schedule of 11. Those are pretty good numbers. They might even receive a 1 seed if they win the ACC tourney.
BTW: Does anyone know the last time Duke was not ranked in the top ten in the national polls?
John Cheney--
What has happened with John Cheney is a shame. What he did was a shame. I imagine he knows what he did was wrong, and I imagine he feels truly sorry for it. There is no excuse for his actions. A coach has the duty to keep his players and the other team's players safe. I know it is very difficult for a coach to deal with a game that is loosely or tightly officiated. It is very frustrating, and it is easy to retaliate. Coaches should never do this, and they ought to be held accountable when they do. The question is, how much should they be punished? John Cheney is an excellent coach. By the end of the 2003-2004 season, he was number 20 on the all-time win list with 708. He had a win percentage of .714. He has done as much for basketball as any other coach in recent years. He has done so much for his players. He is a mentor and a inspiration. I believe he is a great man. He has made many mistakes. Should those mistakes erase years of quality, honorable leadership? I don't think so. I am a big fan of Bobby Knight. He too has made many mistakes. He should never have done many of the things he did. He too is a mentor and an inspiration. You would be hard pressed to find a player that has been under these coaches that do not admire and respect these men. Most players are better men because of the "life-coaching" of Cheney and Knight. They are not perfect, and we should never gloss over these blemishes. We should look at their lifetime of achievement, and understand all men make mistakes.
Wednesday, March 2, 2005
The Christian Carnival--3.02.2005
I am not a fan of Soap Operas, yet I encourage you to check out this weeks The Christian Carnival:
"I have always been fascinated by soap operas, those afternoon dramas of angst. So, I thought it might be a bit of fun to classify the posts under the program of which they reminded me."
Tuesday, March 1, 2005
Doctor dog
Dave Berry reminds us why we shouldn't make doctors out of dogs:
"If you know anything about dogs, you know how Refrigerator spent his recuperation period: He licked himself pretty much full time. Dogs are very big believers in the healing power of licking. If dogs operated a hospital, here's how it would work: A patient would arrive in the Emergency Room, and a team of doctor dogs would gather around to conduct an examination, which would consist of thoroughly sniffing the patient. (They would also sniff the floor, in case anybody had left food lying around.)
Then, the doctor dogs would hold a conference, and whatever the patient's symptoms were -- coughing, lack of pulse, a spear passing all the way through the patient's head -- the doctor dogs would agree that the best course of treatment was: licking. And we're talking about a LOT of licking. Not just the patient licking himself or herself, but also the doctors licking the patient, licking themselves, and licking the other doctors. This is state-of-the-art medical care for dogs."
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